


Smoke

by Straykisses



Series: Fucking Depressing [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Break Up, Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-25 18:35:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13840605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straykisses/pseuds/Straykisses
Summary: Felix had a hard life.





	Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> NUMBER 2 HAHAHA IM BACK BITCHES.  
> Wow why the hell am i writing so much angst. BTW this was writen probably a few weeks before this was uploaded. Just an FYI. ALSO DONT KILL ME FOR THIS. IM SORRY. DONT MURDER ME FOR CHANGBIN.

Felix was 7, the first time he got hit. 

Felix was an independent child. He liked to do things himself. He did his homework by himself, his projects, he even tried to cook. He might not have been good at cooking, but he still had fun. 

It was when he received a B in math that he got hit. 

His father was an alcoholic and a smoker. He was very abusive... especially when he got drunk. 

He came home one day to see his wife desperately trying to hide Felix’s.  

He was furious. He couldn’t believe he was the father of such an idiot. When he heard the news he came home, but not sober.

He walked over to Felix. He pushed his wife to the side. She fell over and yelled for him not to hurt their son. He didn’t listen though. 

He stood there in front of Felix. He looked down then squatted to level his height.

Felix looked like he was about to cry. Tears were filling his eyes and his hands were shaking. 

Felix tried to pull in his father for a hug, but his father didn’t want his stupid hug. Instead, he gave Felix a strong right hook into his side. 

The young boy was slammed into the drawer filled with the cleaning supplies. The sound of his body hitting the hard wood echoed throughout the house.

His mother tried to stop her husband. She knew that deep inside he still loved them, no matter how drunk he was.

She grabbed his arm to stop him from administering another punch onto Felix. She held on tight, making sure he couldn’t swing his arm.

Her husband got fed up with her useless efforts. He was clearly a lot stronger than her. He ripped her off of him, and threw her to the side. Rather than fall to the floor immediately, her head was slammed into the counter as a result of the push. 

She hit the kitchen counter, hard. The loud thud will forever be with Felix. The image of his mother falling to the floor. The blood pooling around her head as she laid there, motionless.

Felix quickly ran to her side. He screamed loud.

“MAMA! NO MAMA! WAKE UP PLEASE! PLEASE WAKE UP! IM SORRY! PLEASE PLEASE IM SO SORRY I PROMISE, PLEASE JUST WAKE UP!”

But she didn’t wake up. She just laid there on the cold hard floor. The horror and terror in his voice could be heard throughout the building. His cries woke up the people in the neighboring apartment rooms. No one did anything however. No one came to his side to help him. 

Felix was left alone with his dying mother. 

His father ran out the door once he saw her fall to the floor.

That was the last time Felix ever saw his father, and it was the last time he ever hugged his mother. He may have been young at the time, but the trauma will stick to him like glue for the next 10 years.

•

 He’s 17 now. A lot older and more mature. His grades are decent, keeping a low A, high B average. 

He doesn’t really feel a need to get “good” grades. He just wants to pass. Luckily, he is smart from all those years of his father pushing him in school. 

He missed his parents. It’s been 10 years since he’s been hit. 10 years since he’s seen his mother. 10 years since his father, killed his mom.

He doesn’t miss the beating, but it made him feel loved. Some might question to why he felt this way, but he would only answer them with a simple shoulder shrug. 

He couldn’t tell them why. He hated his father, but he also loved him. He knew the beating was just his father trying to make him into a better person. At least that’s what he told himself. In reality his father probably hated him, but he couldn’t live with the thought of being abused because of his own birth, something he had no control of. So he just kept telling himself this to get through the day. 

• 

He’s quiet in school. He doesn’t really like to interact with others. He’s not mean, just traumatized. Although it’s been 10 years, he can’t bring himself to form enough words to create an actual sentence. When his teachers call on him, the most he will say is “Yes” or “No”. Short, simple, one word responses. No one questioned it though. No one cared. 

Felix didn’t mind. He liked being to himself, and not having to worry about those around him. It was calming, yet sad.

•

Normally people just left him alone. They don’t care about him. Sure sometimes a girl, or every once in a while a guy, will come up to confess their crush to him, but Felix just rejects them with a hand to their face and a serious “no”. This didn’t stop his classmates though. Some people kept trying, and Felix had to repeat the same routine constantly. 

Today was different how ever. This time a boy dressed in black came up to Felix.

He was a little shorter than him. Felix didn’t recognize him, but he was kind of cute. His chin was a little pointed, his eyes had a mischievous look in them. The snapback on his head pointed down. He looked a little scary, but really good looking. He seemed older than Felix despite his shorter height. When the older spoke, Felix was a little shocked. People don’t normally try to talk to him. 

“Hey cutie”, the new kid says, “You know, i’ve been looking for someone new since i dumped my last boyfriend. He wasn’t good enough for me. Not good looking enough. But you.” He looked up and down Felix’s body. “Seem just my type. What do you say? Be my boyfriend.”

This was new. No one this cute has ever asked him out. Felix said yes. Every fiber of his being said “no don’t do it”, but he said yes. 

“Great!” the shorter shouted. “Now come with me.” Again his eyes shined, but not in a good way. There was a darkness that flashed the light. Almost a sign to get away, but he didn’t run. 

•

Changbin dragged Felix all the way behind the school. Felix didn’t know what was going on. Maybe Changbin just wanted a quiet place to talk? 

Suddenly, Changbin lunges onto Felix and starts aggressively making out with him. Felix should have said no, but it felt good. Changbin took the lead. He took control over Felix’s entire body. He knew that a vulnerable boy like this would do what ever he wanted just cause of a kiss. 

Changbin then turned Felix around and slammed his body into the wall. Changbin grabbed his hands and held them. The boy dressed in black held the other’s hands behind his back and pushed his head to the wall. He kissed Felix’s neck slowly. His breath could be felt on the youngers neck. Felix started to get uncomfortable. He didn’t like this kind of attention. He tried to fight back, but Changbin got angry. 

“Hey! You better fucking stop that now before i hurt you!”

Felix started to yell. “Stop! Please stop!” 

Changbin didn’t stop however. Instead, he bit Felix’s neck. Not enough to break skin, but just enough for it to hurt. This didn’t stop Felix however. He kept thrashing around. This only angered Changbin more. 

He pushed his head to the wall. 

“Stop”, He looked at Felix dead in the eyes. His voice serious, almost sounding like he will kill Felix. “Stop. Now.”

Scared for his life, Felix stopped thrashing. 

“Good.” The older smiled. “Now, you’re going to do what i want, and you’re not going to fight, or fucking tell anyone. You understand.” He said the last part as a threat rather than a question. 

“Yes” was all felix could choke out. The tears in his eyes were trailing down his face, while the mucus built up in his throat making it hard to speak or breath. 

Changbin turned Felix around and kissed him again before commanding him. “Down.”

Felix complied as Changbin unzipped his pants. 

•

It was the worst experience of his life. He couldn’t breath as the older forced himself inside the youngers mouth. The taste. The taste was horrible. When he got back to his foster home, he brushed his teeth for hours to clean his mouth. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get rid of the taste. That wasn’t the worst part though. Changbin also forced himself in another place. He made Felix bend over and let himself do what he wants on Felix. 

He spent hours trying to clean himself, but he still felt dirty. He was living a  decent life, why did this have to happen. He wished he knew. He wished his mom was still here. 

•

This continued on for weeks, then months. It kept going for about a year. It was the worst year of his life. 

Everyday Changbin would pull him behind the school and have his way. Felix stopped fighting. He never told anyone either. He was afraid of what people might think, or of what Changbin might do. 

Sometimes Changbin invited Felix to his home. It wasn’t really an invite. It was more of a demand. It wasn’t friendly sleep over. Changbin forced Felix to stay naked everyone they did have a sleep over. Felix felt dirty around Changbin. He hated it. 

•

After a while, Felix got used to it. Sort of. He knew it wasn’t going to end, so he started to get feelings for Changbin. The older would tell Felix about how much he loved him, then did what he wanted after. When Changbin finished he’d do it again, whispering sweet things into Felix’s ear. 

He started to feel like he was actually loved, until Changbin dumped him, and left him outside his house naked. 

“I’m sorry Felix. I just don’t like you anymore. I don’t think i ever did.” Changbin laughed a little. “Ohh well. Get out. I’m keeping your clothes by the way. I’d like a little rememberence of all the fun times we had together.” Felix threw off his clothes. “Ha” Changbin laughed out. “The cum stains are still here. This is nice... Bye now!” He smiled and laughed. It was almost like nothing to Changbin. Felix was just another toy to him. 

When he arrived back to his foster home, the family didn’t question why he arrived naked. They didn’t care about him at all. They just kept him for the money they got from the government. 

He marched into his room and closed the door. He had a knife hidden under his bed in case an intruder broke into his room. 

He grabbed the knife and trailed his finger over the blade. He smiled a little. He thought of the fun times he had as a kid with his mom. The times when his father didn’t hit him. He missed it. 

He trailed the blade over his arm. Tears were falling out of his eyes, but he was smiling. He felt happy for once. 

He pressed onto his forearm and dragged the blade up his arm. He made sure to press hard. The blood came pouring out like a waterfall. 

He started to feel dizzy. He lost his balance and fell. His arm hurt at first, but he slowly began to feel nothing. His eyes closed slowly. He was getting tired. His breathing slowed, and his body relaxed. 

He died that night with a smile on his face. 

**Author's Note:**

> IM SORRY THIS IS SO SAD. PLEASE DONT KILL ME. ALL IM DOING IS WRITING A FIC DONT MURDER ME. I CRIED WHILE WRITTING THIS.  
> (Written on March 1 and 9, 2018)


End file.
